I'm having trouble typing with a straight* face, but I feel I owe it to you to suck it up and soldier on. Somehow.
The proud city of Yellowknife has proclaimed June 9th Heterosexual Day. Why?
[Councillor Alan Woytuik] defended the proclamation.
"I feel that recognizing the contributions of heterosexuals is just as legitimate as recognizing the contributions of gay and lesbian communities, so I don't feel there's any reason for anyone to object to this particular proclamation," he says.
"Many, many heterosexuals contribute largely to this community and we should recognize that just as well as the other."
Ah, poor Alan. Used to be only his wife knew he was an asshole.
Anyway, the local Gay Pride committee is having a fine old time with this one:
[Don Babey of OutNorth, a group that represents Yellowknife gays and lesbians] says his group will celebrate Gay Pride day by passing out cake in front of the post office.
"Tell us where Heterosexual Day will be celebrated, and we'll be there," he said.
It's been set for the day before Yellowknife's Gay Pride, which will, no doubt, lead to a number of unintended and (for Alan) unfortunate comparisons. After all, gays have been organizing Pride for years—we know how, sweetheart. Look for a spike in NWT's non-straight demographic in July.
* pun intended, of course.
humming tranquilly along with Shattered from the album "You Broke My Heart In 17 Places" by Tracey Ullman
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My wife and I have been looking for a reason to visit the north. This could be it. How could we pass up Gay Pride and Heterosexual Day. Parties will abound.
It’s like one of those package vacation tour things that travel planners live to sell. If only cruise ships stopped there, Yellowknife’s future would be assured.
Oh, sure, there’ll be parties for both gays and heterosexuals but which, do you imagine, will be more fun?
Maybe by then Alan will unknot his knickers and learn to embrace his latent homosexuality. Or at least find out how nice it is to walk around with unknotted knickers.
Unfortunately, Alan will not be unknotting anything. Heterosexual Day has been canceled.
So they have. There went our opportunity to nip up to Yellowknife and educate ourselves on the wonderfulness of straight life. Darn. Guess I’ll have to phone home or something. I’m pretty sure the rest of my family’s straight. Not that they’ve come out or anything. Just a feeling, really.
I could just be stereotyping, on account of all those kids and opposite-sex relationships, though.